What would YOU do?

So the other night I had a very vivid dream that I won $138 million.

$138 MILLION!!!

How does my brain, in a state of dream-like consciousness manage to come up with such an untidy number? Well, at least it's an even number.

But here's where it gets really weird... Having won the money in my first dream, I segued into a second dream where I was telling David Cassidy I had a dream I'd won $138 million dollars. For what it's worth, I don't think David Cassidy was all that impressed by my dream... Now that I think about it, I'm willing to bet your reaction at reading this post is in line with David Cassidy.

Anywho, turns out sharing my dream with our friends the other night led to quite an interesting conversation over just what we'd do if we were to win $138 million. Everyone seemed to agree they would hide under a rock somewhere and tell only those folks closest to them (spouse, kids) and the first thing they'd do is find a GOOD lawyer (which could obviously take a serious amount of time.)

Past the intial plans, most folks decided to keep enough for themselves so they could live off the divendends (In today's economy we never did arrive at what figure that should be) and with the remainder they would become philanthropists. Others came up with some crazy ideas. It's been a fun question to ask people and here are some of the answers I've received:

• Offer $100,000 grants to anyone named Zak.

• Build a Lego bridge across the Elk Neck River.

• Open a rent free hotel for people down on their luck, help them get back on their feet through education and job opportunities.

Note: I asked how they'd handle deadbeats and the answer was they'd be incorporating their 'Bullshit Meter' which is highly sensitive.

• One gal said she'd hop in her car and travel from one side of the U.S. to the other, visiting small towns and the overlooked and under appreciated parts of America.

I think she's interested in channeling Charles Kuralt.

As for myself? I can't even fathom what I'd do with that kind of money. It's painfully obvious even my sleeping brain couldn't conceive of an answer, as the dream ended before I even had a check in my hand.

Now, I'd like to propose the question to you... What would YOU do with $138 million? I'm sure David Cassidy would like to know.

Beat The Clock

Is it true, tomorrow makes us only 9 short days away from Christmas? But how can that be?

• I just started MY shopping today.
• I have just half of my Christmas cards signed and addressed.
  
• While we DID manage to get the tree up and the house decorated, my living and family room are littered with storage containers, unused strands of lights and all those magazines I managed to purge which now need to be taken to the recycling center. (It was one of those stupid activities which had me thinking I had an unlimited amount of extra time on my hands.
• Oh and let's see, what else? There's that little matter of landing another front page story in the local newspaper about donating my gift wrapping services to raise money for our local hospice foundation. Either people are going to forget about the article OR this time next week, I'm gonna be up to my eyeballs in gift wrap.
  

Little wonder I don't seem to be able to catch up to the speed of those hands spinning around the face of the clock on my wall... But you know what? I'm still able to take deep cleansing breaths.... It'll all get done... And if it doesn't? Nobody's really going to care because I'm fortunate my kids have reached the age where they're not asking how many days 'til Christmas but instead saying, "Are you freakin' kidding me, there's ONLY 9 days 'til Christmas?... *deep breath* *deep breath*

Gotta' love it!

Let me tell you again saleslady... NO, I DON'T WANT TO USE MY SEARS CARD!

ARGH!!!!

Liar Liar Pants On Fire

Last night I was watching the show 'Bait Car' on 'TRU-TV' with my daughter.

Hoo-Wee!... What an eye opener.

Because last week I was dealing with someone who wasn't exactly honest with me and at the time all I could think was, "Wow, how does someone go through their life thinking a lack of honesty will get them out of the circumstances they've put themselves in, by lying in the first place. Obviously I'm being a bit vague here, but you know what I mean. Little kids typically learn early on, that lying usually results in more trouble than the initial indiscretion but it never ceases to amaze me when I come across an adult who never learned this simple lesson.

So, I'm watching 'Bait Car'... If you haven't heard it, the whole premise behind the police department's 'bait car' program is to entice an auto thief to take the rigged automobile and get caught. The real fun ensues when, after being caught, the perpetrator(s) try to talk their way out of the 'situation' they've found themselves in... And the more they talk, the deeper they sink into the bullshit they're dishing out.

My favorite part of the show last night, had to be the guy who explained his way out of stealing the 'bait car' by telling the police he surmised the car was stolen and he didn't want a 'stolen' vehicle sitting near his house, so he decided to 'move' it out of the area. Good one Jose, but I don't think the cops bought your story, especially after watching the hidden video where you giggled at your good fortune and the stupidity of the person who abandoned such a 'fine' vehicle (Cadillac Escalade.)

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

The Jewelry Lady

We're now up to 9 artists at the Co-op I'm managing. I have the luxury of pretty much flitting in and out of the shop, tending to 'important' business-like stuff but every once in a while I get the opportunity to linger and learn a little bit about each of the girls.

Last night I made an off-hand comment to the 'Jewelry Artist'. I asked her if she'd had anything to eat, after spending the entire day at the shop. When she said, "No." I teased, "So you subsist on nothing more than coffee & cigarettes?" That's when she said, "Well after I was shot I don't have much of a stomach left, so I don't need to eat much."

*blink-blink*

"Shot?"

"Yes" she replied. "I worked at a Burger King and one night I was robbed."

"Did you refuse to hand over the money?"

"No, I gave him the money and just as I was telling him there was someone else in the back, my co-worker came out carrying a armload of pans... When he saw the gunman, he dropped the pans. This startled the gunman who shot me and then my co-worker." "I was the lucky one" she said. "I was shot in the gut but my 15 yr. old co-worker, working his first job, was killed."

I guess in an attempt to lighten the mood a bit she followed with, "But they didn't get rid of me that easily, I went back."

I had to ask, "How can you even consider working in retail after something like that, I'd be terrified!"

"For a time, that's exactly the way I felt... The only place I'd go is to the physician and the grocery store and then I'd hide in my house... But I knew I couldn't do that forever, so I fought back."

I then asked her if that's why she walks with a cane?

"No" she said. "I walk with the cane because I was smashed in the back with a heavy metal fire door, while I was crouched down doing an inventory of salt packets, yes, you have to inventory EVEN the salt packets, at the restaurant where I worked. The only way to get through the heavy door was to put all your weight against it. One of the guys I worked with did so, I was on the other side and the door hit me squarely in the back, with such force, it shattered 4 of my vertebrae."

*blink-blink*

I've come to the conclusion that there are some people who refuse to let life ground them and it's these people who I hold in high esteem. Because there are some who have dealt with far less, who think the world somehow owes them. But people like 'The Jewelry Lady', push on with an attitude of refusing to give up on the business of living a full life.

26 Years

26 years ago today I experienced one of the sweetest moments of my life.

Marrying the man I love? Well yes, THAT was a very sweet moment, unfortunately it took place during one of the most awkward weddings of all time... Seriously, imagine 'Hadfield's & McCoy's' or 'The Sharks & The Jets' or even 'Israel & Palestine' all coming together to sit down at the same table and 'try' to pretend to at least 'get along.'

My god, I have NO idea why we didn't just elope. My father & step-father always hated eachother since that day when my dad nearly tossed my step-father out the 4th story courthouse window when I was 10 yrs. old. My mother hated my father and evidenced this fact by loading up on so many 'happy pills' she barely functioned for formal photographs. Then, of course Everyone from the family I was marrying into hated my step-monster after all the turmoil she caused... But you know, we all had to be nice to keep the peace.

So yeah, the wedding? It pretty much sucked!

But the sweetest moment, the one I will forever cherish in my heart, was that moment just before I walked down the aisle on my father's arm and he turned to me, with tears in his eyes and said, "I just want you to know, I think you're marrying a good man and I'm very proud of you." It didn't really matter what the rest of the day had in store... The fact that my father shared this sentiment with me, following what was the most tumultuous period of my life, having fallen in love with a man who my step-monster did everything in her power to break apart, well THAT meant EVERYTHING!

And that part about me marrying a 'Good Man'... Well, my father couldn't have been more correct.

Is it just me?

Or does this guy,
Look a hell of a lot like this guy,
The both of them totally creep me out!

While Pumping Gas.... Really?

We all know when we see those little clusters of people, wearing their Sunday best, trolling through our neighborhoods, it's time to run in the house, close the blinds and pretend we're not home when the doorbell inevitably rings...

But today, while I was filling my gas tank, AT THE GAS STATION, a woman at the next pump approached me and in a bright voice said, "Good Morning"... I thought to myself, "How nice, rarely do people in the midst of pumping gas take time to greet one another." So I in turn, offered my own friendly greeting. And right after I did she pulled out a 'Watchtower' flier and said, "Here, I think you'll really enjoy reading this, it has a WONDERFUL article on Family... It's really a WONDERFUL article!"

Not wishing to be rude, because seriously, it's not like I could ditch inside my van and pretend like she didn't see me (however, thinking back on it that would've been a pretty hilarious move), I accepted the flier and said, "Uh, Um, Okay, Uh, thanks." When what I really wanted to say was, "Oh, I see... Get me when there's nowhere to hide."

Beware folks, the Jehovah's Witnesses have gone NINJA!

Are YOU prepared for the final days?